


In Bloom

by 1cobaltDream



Category: Fruits Basket, Fruits Basket (Anime 2001), Fruits Basket (Anime 2019), Fruits Basket - Takaya Natsuki (Manga)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:48:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26659231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1cobaltDream/pseuds/1cobaltDream
Summary: He kisses you then, in that blue sweater, in your room filled with your favorite things.
Relationships: Sohma Kyou/Original Male Character(s), Sohma Kyou/Sohma Yuki
Comments: 4
Kudos: 21





	1. Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out

**Author's Note:**

> This one is meant to be a series of one shots so the time line will jump forward quite often.

We tried to stop making sense of our broken past

You wanted to make sense of a hopeful future

So we could find peace within our needs

Before our hearts bleed out to this broken culture

Saltwater for Blood– Hotel Books

In the morning by the sea

As the fog clears from the sand

I have no money in my hand

I have no home, I have no land

The wolves and the ravens– Rogue Valley 

/./././

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You’ve just turned 18 years old when Shishou tells you to pack a bag. He tells you to bring things you know you’ll need, things that are important, things that will help you live, things that’ll help you survive your journey far far away from this place with it’s empty hollow halls and daunting cages. Away from an angry God that never forgave you for things you never did but still punished you for anyway.

The sun was going to set soon and you had just said a casual goodbye to Tohru and waved lazily as she left with Yuki in tow, ever the shadow on her walk to and from work. You shook your head at Yuki when he looked at you questioningly, as though he didn’t already know your answer about going with them to walk Tohru to work with Shishou visiting. Yuki had nodded and Tohru had smiled at you and said to have fun, to which you rolled your eyes and barked at them to get going, that she was going to be late if she didn’t get a move on.

You hadn’t thought anything of it, with Shishou at your side, idly sipping his tea as he also wished them a safe journey as they put on their shoes and left the house.

You got up and stood at the doorway and watched them walk down the path until they were swallowed whole by the street and the trees.

You had a smile on your face when you watched them go, and had briefly wondered what you would cook for dinner, because Tohru had stayed late at school since she was on cleaning duty and you had waited for her with Yuki since he didn’t have student council meetings. You squabbled while you both waited, but it lacked heat, like it had for a while. When Tohru finally finished she rushed to join you both and the three of you walked home together, side by side.

She hadn’t had time to cook anything, especially when they came home to see Shishou waiting at the front door.

He wasn’t waiting long, Shishou had said, Shigure must have stepped out to go to the main house while you three were at school.

You didn’t think anything of it, and really, why would you have?

So you stood there, watched them leave after the four of you had snacks and tea before Tohru rushed to get dressed for work and Yuki waited patiently for her before they left together down that familiar path.

You turned back to Shishou and stopped short when he asked if you were ready. 

You furrowed your eyebrows and tiled your head and asked what he meant.

Then he got up and you were a little confused when he said it was time.

He led you to your room and gave you a bag and told you to pack important things because it was time. He wasn’t going to let them take you, he wasn’t going to stand by and let someone lock you away and leave you to rot in a cage that held far too many ghosts. You hold the empty bag loosely to your chest and he places his hands on your shoulders and explains, again and again until your head felt like it was ringing, like everything was muffled and all that had made sense was the feeling of his hands on your shoulders and the press of a backpack held against your chest.

Important things, Shishou had said, pack the important things because it’s all you will have. 

Instead–

Instead– you pack your favorite things.

You pack away your favorite worn shirt, your favorite pants and your favorite book with it’s worn pages and weathered corners. It’s a paperback, garbled words that hold no meaning for anyone else but you but it has doodles in the margins, over the paragraphs and between chapters. It caught your eye one day when your curiosity took over and you thumbed through Shigure’s bookcase before they had moved it out of your room so that you could have more space.

And you never could understand why Shigure allowed you more space than what you had before, you never had a lot of things, never had filled those empty spaces with things you loved before at Shishou’s house.

Until now.

You loved your futon, your pillow, your blankets.

They offered you comfort, when you slept, when you dreamed.

You loved your dresser, because it’s where Tohru would place your washed and folded clothes, where she would take the time to laugh even when you scold her and tell her that you can do that; that she didn’t have to bother. 

But she did, bother that is. Again and again no matter how many times you barked at her, no matter how many times you rolled your eyes and squeezed her cheeks.

You loved the little cracks in the wall, the window that allowed you to climb onto the roof and even loved the small closet. It’s where you hid your _most_ favorite things, worn clothes that Tohru washed and dried with love in her heart and in her hands when she brought up your clothes to hang them in that small closest when your dresser became too full. Small trinkets you refuse to leave around your room for fear someone would barge in and tease you about them. Small things that you accumulated over the years from everyday life, from school field trips, to weekend trips to the beach with your insane family and reluctant trips to the mall. Little things that you hid away in that small closet.

It’s where you hid _his_ blue sweater, when he forgot it in your room that one time you both were on the cusp of turning eighteen and kissed for the first time in this room on that cold December night, this room that you fell in love with him in, this room that holds all your favorite things.

You take the blue sweater with you. Fold it neatly and place it at the bottom of your bag when Shishou tells you to pack important things, things that’ll help you survive in your new life far away in the mountains. 

Away from Tokyo, away from the Sohmas, away from him.

After that Shishou walks you to the train station and hands you a map, an envelope of money and other things he tells you you will need on your journey to another dojo far far away.

He tells you that when you get off to the designated stop, you are to hop onto the next train and let it take you away to the place he had marked on the map.

He tells you he refuses to watch them take you, he tells you he’d die before he lets them lock you away, because you are his son, and he loves you.

You don't want to go.

You want to stay because staying meant seeing Tohru in the morning. Staying meant being able to watch her fulfill her dream, her promise to Kyoko. Staying meant having those last couple of days at school with everyone, getting to hear their voices, getting to see their faces and getting to laugh with them those last couple of times before Akito takes you away and it’s selfish, to want those kinds of things.

But you do.

You want them so bad that you packed your bag with your favorite things instead of important things.

The small knickknacks you accumulated over the years with everyone, the stream of photos from that one time you got shoved into a photo booth with Haru and Momiji and Yuki.

Your bag is heavy with your favorite things, like the blue sweater Yuki wore when he first kissed you, his cheeks splotchy with color when he yelled at you when Tohru and Shigure weren’t home. He yelled at the top of his lungs and you were struck dumb because you had been demanding answers for the change in his behavior, hand demanded to know why he was acting soft around you, why he wouldn’t fight you anymore, why he gave you that look time and time again whenever you tried to push him away.

It had scared you, when you woke up one day and realized you two hadn’t fought in so long. That you weren’t even trying to obtain your freedom anymore, almost like you had forgotten what was at stake.

So you pushed him away, time and time again. Refused to meet his eyes when he would look to you in exasperation over those silly times Haru or Ayame or even Tohru would do something stupid. He looked to you for support over their antics and it struck you dumb that it had become a thing now, that you both had a side in this together.

So from then on, you had refused to stand by his side, refused to acknowledge him when he’d move over to your side of the room when you both were surrounded by people you couldn't pretend you didn’t love. You moved away from him, would pretend you couldn’t hear him and the times you did, you were edging him on for a fight.

Instead of getting cold, instead of biting back with those cool tones, he’d soften and ask quietly sometimes, when no one was around, if everything was alright.

And it began to scare you because he’s supposed to be the enemy, he’s supposed to be the key to your freedom. You’re supposed to hate him for all that he has done to you, for taking your happiness, for forcing you into this life of pity and distaste. It was his fault, it was all his fault that all of these fucked up things had happened to you. Because he was the pampered rat that ruined your life without even trying.

It scared you more, that you had to keep reminding yourself of this, each and every time.

It’s crazy, you had decided, crazy because Yuki was used to you now, teasing you with or without people around. You weren’t so angry anymore and at times found yourself alone with him more often than not, just existing at his side, having dinner, doing homework or just watching tv. Lazing around on the floor and taking a nap with him at the kotetsu.

So you turned away from him and tried to mull over what it all had meant, and Tohru began to notice. She began to fret, kept trying to be some kind of buffer between the two of you and it upset Yuki, and it was like some kind of ugly cycle you sent them reeling into. One where you’d lash out only for Tohru to take the brunt of the ugly harsh things you say. It wasn’t fair and you placed that blame on Yuki too, desperately tried to hold onto those feelings of anger and hate until you felt nauseous with it. 

So you put distance between the two of you. You had to, because if your anger and hate didn’t make any sense, then what did? What else was there, if not that?

He cornered you.

He cornered you in your room, filled with your favorite things and asked if you were okay instead of punching you in the face.

And you screamed at him, grabbed him by that blue sweater and shook him because you wanted answers, you wanted to know what it all meant.

And he screams back at you, at the top of his lungs in ways you've never heard before.

“It’s you!” He had yelled, grabbing at you, fisting your shirt in his hands as he shook you back, “It’s you that’s acting strange! You won’t even look at me anymore!”

“What do you care?!” You screamed back, over and over again. “What do you care?!”

“Because I love you!” Yuki had screamed louder, like it was something he was ripping right out of his chest, out of his beating heart, “I love you and you won't _let_ me! _You never let me!”_

And there it was.

It struck you dumb, ate up your words and almost stopped your racing heart.

"I don't care if you don't love me back! I'm not asking for that!"

His chest was heaving and he was still screaming at you and your ears were ringing. He shook you again, for good measure and he tells you everything, about being small and alone and broken, and seeing you for the first time in the pure white snow. He tells you he fell in love with you then, even when you had screamed at him, had told him you hated him and wished he was dead. He tells you he loved you even when you blamed him for everything, even when you ran from him, and even when you threw your first punch at him.

He tells you he loved you, even when it was almost too late to go back to the beginning, when it was almost too late to become more than the cat and the rat.

His voice breaks and he looks so hurt but his hands soften their grip and before you know it he’s cradling your cheeks.

You don’t turn away, you don't look away nor do you try to run.

He kisses you then, in that blue sweater, in your room filled with your favorite things.

He forgot it there, when he had you in your bed, both of you in only boxers and shirts when you hear Tohru come home. You both panicked, scrambled to dress and when you both realized it could almost be too late you shove him into your closet and hide his sweater under the covers with you when you pretend to be asleep.

She knocks and enters when you mumble that she could and she apologizes for waking you, but asks if you knew where Yuki was because his shoes were at the entrance but wasn’t in his room.

You tell her you don’t know, and that you weren’t his keeper but your blush still hasn’t gone down so you had kept your covers up over your nose to hide it.

When she goes back down the hall and into her room you wait a long while before getting up and walking to the closet and opening it quietly. Your heart jumps in your throat because Yuki has the box you had filled with your _most_ favorite things and he’s looking at the picture of you and Haru and Momiji and himself that day you four had been shoved into that photo booth.

He tells you, quietly, that the last photo is his least favorite.

You know exactly which one he’s talking about. The last photo is just you two, when you had fought to escape and shoved Haru and Momiji out so that you could make a bid for freedom. It was the last photo the booth had snapped, and you’re not even looking into the camera. Neither is Yuki, instead, instead he’s looking right at you. You’re turned away, your lips curled up in a snarl and it’s blurry, but it’s the only photo that exists of you two, the only photo Akito would never lay his eyes on.

All in all, it’s a shitty picture, but there’s something there, in Yuki’s gaze and you can understand a little why he would be embarrassed about it.

You can’t have it, you say in a rush, you can't have it because it’s mine.

He looks at you then, and it’s not fair, it’s not fair because you have no defense against what’s in his gaze and you pull him harshly out of your closet, nevermind that you’re supposed to be quiet.

You all but kick him out of your room and he rolls his eyes and after he quietly sneaks back into his room you slink back into your futon only to stop short at the feeling of something foreign against your skin.

It’s his blue sweater. 

You pull it up and bury your face into the soft material and wonder with a deep blush, when you turned into such a _girl._ You hide it away in your closet filled with your most favorite things in the room filled with your other favorite things.

It weighs heavy in your bag, makes it bulky and makes it a little uncomfortable, but Shishou doesn’t notice, doesn’t know what you packed because he gave you space when he told you to pack. You’ve always done what he said before when he’d take you away for small trips, always trusted you to pack your things away like he taught you when you were younger. He trusts you now, to know what you need, but he still gives you other things, like the money, the map, the small phone with his phone number programmed into it, the small bag with snacks and a bottle of water.

He waits with you until your train arrives and he gives you a tight hug. He holds you and holds you until it was time for you to go.

He tells you he will come for you soon, that it’s just for a little while and that the master at the other dojo so far away will be expecting him.

You get onto the train and still feel as though you were in a daze and it hits you as the doors close behind you, that you never even properly said goodbye to Tohru or to Yuki. The last image you had is of them walking away further and further down a path that you had assumed you’ll all walk together on again the next morning. You didn’t say goodbye to anyone at all, not really. Not in a way that really matters. A casual goodbye is all you’ll have to remember them by.

You sit down on a vacant seat and clutch your bag that’s filled with your favorite things to your chest just as the train begins to move.

You’re still in a daze and it’s too late to jump off the train now. There’s something within you that feels like it’s pulling impossibly tight and it makes you twitch, makes your stomach clench and makes you clutch at your bag even tighter.

You get lost in your head, because it’s the safest place for you in that moment, even if you’ve always hated it. 

The train rumbles beneath you and it makes you think about your mother. It hurts, it hurts so much that tears spring into your eyes and for the first time in a long time you miss her. You miss her in a way only a little kid who was lost in this world full of monsters could. It wasn’t fair, you had decided so long ago and even now, it wasn’t fair because you wanted to be with her forever, you wanted her to love you just as much as she was afraid of you. You wanted her to see you, to _really_ see you. Like the way Tohru did. You wanted your mom to see more than the cat, more than the monster that twists your body and mangles your flesh. You wanted all of it, her fear, her anger, her happiness, her selfishness– everything.

It wasn’t fair that it was all taken from you. It wasn’t fair that the piece of shit that shared your blood got to stand there and tell you it was your fault. It wasn’t fair that it all got twisted up, that your own anger festered so deeply in the pit of your stomach.

It wasn’t fair that Shishou had to endure so many whispers, so many harsh words on your behalf. It wasn’t fair that you screamed at Yuki, that you told him you’d kill him with your own two hands that cold night in the pure white snow.

It wasn’t fair that Akito and the curse fostered that hate and pitted you against him time and time again. It wasn’t fair that you let it happen.

It wasn’t fair that Kyoko–

That her blood rests on your hands as her daughter, her beautiful Tohru smiles at you every morning of every day, never mind that you had finally confessed to it all and she had cried and cried and held onto your hand and forgave you for it all.

It wasn’t fair that Yuki bore the brunt of it all. It wasn’t fair that he became an outlet for it all, it wasn’t fair that you pushed and pushed and pushed all your guilt, all your hate and all your fear onto him.

It wasn’t fair that you kissed him back, in that room filled with your favorite things, after shoving him away time and time again.

You didn't want to be that person anymore. You didn't want to be just the cat, you didn't want to wake up one morning and wonder why you didn't scream, why you didn't get angry and shout just because you were told that that's what you do, that being an angry monster is all that you are.

You didn't want to start this new life, hidden away in the mountains in another cage.

You wanted to do things because you wanted to.

Like packing your favorite things instead of essential things.

You wanted to look in the mirror and at least like who you saw staring back. You wanted to learn to love yourself just as much as Yuki said he loved you. You wanted to be the man who could protect and watch over Tohru, a man worthy of that position. You wanted to be able to stand before Shishou and be able to tell him, I’m strong, I’m happy and I’m ready to live.

These thoughts roll around and around in your head, and when the train finally reaches your destination, you don't get off.

Instead, you ride it all the way to the end, so very far from home, so far from the place Shishou wanted you to go.

It’s then that you exit the train. You use some of the cash to purchase another ticket and hop onto another train. It takes you even further.

You ride that train all the way until the end too.

And the next one too.

And the next.

/./././

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	2. Misguided Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIVE!!

I'm going away for a while  
But I'll be back  
Don't try and follow me  
'Cause I'll return as soon as possible  
See, I'm trying to find my place  
But it might not be here where I feel safe  
  
We all learn to make mistakes

/./././././

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This is how you live your new life.

You stock the shelves one by one right after you check the expiration dates and wipe down each of the shelves. You break down the now empty boxes the merchandise had arrived in and flatten them out and take them out back to dispose of them. You nod at Kane on your way back in and make sure to wash your hands once you return. You change out the old coffee pots for the new ones you had washed and refill the disposable cups and straws right after you start on the tea. You then go back to the front and begin to count and waste the expired food there too.

This is how you live your new life.

When Aiko comes trodding in for her shift she gives you a small smile and asks if you’ve saved the world yet, to which you only shrug and say  _ maybe one day  _ with that same half smile you always used to give Tohru.

Aiko tells you she’ll be waiting for that moment, because ever since the first day you began working here she’s always told you things like that. She tells you, that for certain, one day you’ll save the world.

You don't have the heart to tell her she’s wrong, that you’d sooner run away again.

This is how you live your new life.

You wake up every morning with your lungs full of air, with sleep clinging to your eyes and with heavy limbs and too many blankets.

You get up, not because you particularly want to, but because your body aches when you spend too long in bed. A luxury you never knew could be yours.

You fight your way lazily from your too many blankets and manage to roll out of bed and begin to stretch, because you know if you don’t you’ll be sore for the next morning.

You change into your jogging clothes and scowl at your worn out shoes and promise yourself again that you’ll buy new ones, even though you know you probably won't.

These shoes of yours are your favorite, not because they were a gift or any other particular reason.

You just like them.

So you wear them and even though they are worn down, you still put them on every morning.

You walk down the hall and past Ko’s room, rolling your eyes as you do, because Ko never gets up early, even with four alarms blaring away.

This is how you live your new life.

One step at a time on the pavement, a steady beat that makes your heart thump away at a steady pace in your chest while your lungs ache for air.

You think about Shishou as you run. You think about Momiji and Shigure and Haru and Kagura and everyone else. You wonder what they’re up to, you wonder what they’re doing, if they’ve all returned to Akito’s side.

You think about Tohru. 

You think about her a lot. If she’ll ever forgive you for this too.

You think about Yuki, of that kiss and of that frayed blue sweater that sits in an old beaten up box in the small corner of your closet, filled with all your old favorite things.

This is how you live your new life.

Ko kisses you good morning on the cheek when you make it back. He hands you a glass of water and asks if you worked today.

You tell him you do, as you always do.

He hums and turns back to his coffee and as you rummage through the fridge to start breakfast. He tells you not to bother, that he has to go in early to work, and that he won’t be back tonight, maybe not even tomorrow.

“Oh,” you say.

You make breakfast for two anyway when he goes to shower.

You serve the plates alone, sit down alone and eat alone.

When he leaves he leaves another kiss on the crown of your head. He doesn’t kiss your lips and hasn’t for a long time. 

You expect him to, only because it’s something familiar, something you know from a long long time ago, but there is no heat between you two, not anymore and Ko has made his peace with it even if you still struggle with it on days like this.

When he leaves you sigh and struggle with the loneliness that rapidly sets in.

This is how you live your new life.

It’s normal. 

It’s mundane.

It’s monotonous.

Yet, you love each and every moment of it. It’s strange, how this life of yours has slowly become one of your many favorite things.

You sit there in your loneliness and imagine talking to Tohru again, you imagine telling her about all the little things you’ve done today alone. You imagine telling her about the stray cat that chased you for the first half of your run, you imagine telling her all about Aiko. You imagine telling her that maybe you really don’t love Ko anymore, that maybe you just miss the old and familiar things. You imagine telling her you’re grateful to have him as a friend, even if he still kisses you on the cheek. You imagine telling her you don’t want him to stop, that the pain is only a dull ache now, like an old wound that’s slowly healed over.

You imagine all of these things and are excited to share all of this with her because it’s your life, and it’s one of your favorite things.

And this, this is something you can’t wait to share with Shishou.

You get up and grab a glass of water and walk out onto the balcony and tip it to pour water onto the small plant you have growing there. 

More than anything, you want to share all this with Yuki. You wonder, as you always do, what he’s doing now.

This is how you live your life.

Even though so much is missing, you are happy.

Even though sometimes you get lonely and sad, you are happy about that too because it all means that you're human, that you are more than a curse that curls around your wrist and tugs. 

You riddled with mistakes and regrets, and this makes you human too.

This is how you live your life.

/./././././.

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**Author's Note:**

> [Come hang out with me!](https://fashionredalert.tumblr.com)  
> Also, if anyone reading this has also read [ Strawberry Swing](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25817926/chapters/62716849) or is interested in reading it, an amazing artist has drawn some amazing art so go check that out on my Tumblr page [ Here](https://fashionredalert.tumblr.com/post/634909762867363840/omg-guys-look-its-miku-look-how-adorable-she)  
> Updates will be soon so please don't give up on me yet!


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